The Science Behind Caregiver Mental Health and Early Brain Development

80% of a child’s brain grows within the first 5 years. This means that experiences during this time have a disproportionate impact on development. Think about it – if you ignore a teenager they don’t care. If you ignore an infant, they usually get more upset or eventually just shut down. They literally wouldn’t survive. They rely exclusively on their parent(s) and caregivers to learn critical skills like calming down (regulation) and a feeling of safety, importance and being loved (attachment).

Now imagine a parent of a newborn who is struggling with depression, anxiety or feeling a bond with their baby(ies). It will be much harder for them to help their baby calm down (a process known as co-regulation), and express the kind of loving behaviors that build strong attachment. Research shows that aside from basic physical and environmental safety, attachment and co-regulation are the most important foundations of early childhood development - they set the stage for executive functioning skills later in life (planning, organization and problem-solving, impulse control) as well as confidence, social and emotional skills, and more.

And to be extremely clear: it’s not the mother or parents fault. It’s postpartum mood complications - the most common complication of births in the United States affecting 1 in 5 mothers/birthing people and 1 in 10 fathers/partners.

That’s why focusing on parental wellness is so critical to infant wellness - they are deeply interwoven. And even if an infant has other caregivers who are able to meet those critical needs, parents deserve to have those bonding experiences, access the joy, and manage the stress that comes with having a baby. So what do we do?

We talk about it.

And don’t just talk about it and normalize it - that often ends up feeling dismissive and keeps people stuck in dark places. Let’s get everyone talking about it in a way where no friend, relative or professional would be unable to connect a parent to the kind of support that can help them feel better. What we see far too often is parents who are afraid to talk about not feeling what they think other parents feel, or what they’re “supposed” to feel. This is in part because of social stigma, but also because too frequently, parents fear they will be dismissed or that there’s nothing to do to help. But there are things that can actually help.

So here are some key tips for how to talk about and navigate parental mental health struggles in a way that is validating, supportive and actionable.

1. Get Informed - know what to look for. Check out Through to Thrive’s Adjustment Chart to know the symptoms - use it as a talking point.
2. Know what questions to ask. Here are some ideas you can modify for your specific relationship and conversation style:
3. I’ve noticed you seem [sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, etc.].I’m here if you want to talk about it.I’m here if you ever want to talk about the hard parts of this and I’ll do my very best to find ways to help.Would it be ok if I share some things I’ve noticed about how things are going?I don’t think people say this enough, but if you’re struggling there are things that can help and I’m more than happy to help you with anything you might need.
4. Be resource-ready. One of the hardest parts of being offered help in the postpartum/early years period is when the work falls back to you as the parent. So if you’re a professional or a loved one offering help, be ready with some concrete tools. Have a list of therapists ready and offer to call them. Have a few resources ready to share (consider the resource library here at Gaux, Postpartum Support International (PSI) www.postpartumsupport.net and Through to Thrive www.throughtothrive.org). But there may also be some great local resources, too. So take a few minutes to do a quick internet search and gather some resources before you even start the conversation.
5. Be prepared to follow through. All too often, struggling parents are handed a list of therapists to call. If a postpartum parent is already struggling, being faced with a list to call and likely not hear back from or be told there are no openings, is a non-starter. So be ready as a support person to make those calls and get those appointments scheduled. Offer to go with them or care for the baby while they’re gone. And not just once, but weekly or as needed. Be ready to text and ask them how it went or if they want to talk about it.
6. Don’t give up. If you’re feeling hopeless and overwhelmed, imagine what the parent must be feeling. Sometimes the best kind of support is unrelenting hope and support that doesn’t seem to fatigue. This might mean that you need to build your own support system to go the distance with your loved one or client/patient.

If you want to learn more about how to be an amazing postpartum support as a friend, loved one or professional, get in touch. hello@throughtothrive.org